Soda's Problem, Stevie's Crush
by Dallymouse
Summary: Title says it all, really. Set during the week that Johnny and Pony run away. Steve expresses his feelings for Soda. [Own nout, stuff about rights, etc]


Through all the troubles they had that week, their door had remained open. I was grateful that evening as I walked into the warm and slung my jacket across the couch, then rubbed my smarting cheek. Dad would be sorry tomorrow - give me a couple o' bucks to make up for it - so I didn't really care that he'd hit me.

We'd all been shocked - Soda and Darry horrified - when Ponyboy and Johnnycake ran away. The press reeled in a fresh story about it in the paper every day. Darry seemed to be down the police station constantly, trying to give the cops as much information as possible to help find Pony. Soda sat at home - never left the house in case they got a call or something - anything, just to let them know that he and Johnny were safe.

It came as hardly a surprise to find Darry had not yet returned home as I walked into the kitchen. But something else bugged me. There was no noise. No lights on. No TV blaring out some random junk that no one was paying attention to. Nothing.

"...Soda?" I walked slowly back through to the couch, then looked up as I heard a muffled whimper. I headed straight for Soda's room, but found it empty, so, hesitantly, I stepped aside and paused outside Darry's door.

Before I could open the door a watery-eyed Sodapop pushed it aside, a smile clearly forced across his face. He sniffed, nudging me aside and walking through to the kitchen and I followed, forced into silence at the sight of tears in my best buddy's eyes. With three days gone since his kid brother's disappearance, Soda had cried every night so far, cuddled tightly up in Darry's arms, bawling like a baby. I'd only seen him do it once before that week, but it was still horrible. What bothered me more than anything, though, was the feeling I got as I watched him cling so desperately to Darry - I was jealous.

I hardly felt the need to ask what was wrong - that was stupid - so, instead, as Soda turned to the counter to make some hot chocolate, I clapped a hand on his shoulder and said, "Hey, they'll be Ok - Pony'll come back soon and he'll be fine - Johnny'll be taking good care of him, you bet."

Rather unexpectedly, Soda gave another wail and dropped his teaspoon with a clatter before turning around and sobbing into the base of my neck.

"Aw, Soda.." I slipped my hand around his back and hugged him.

"It ain't just that, Steve.." he lifted his head up and looked at me with the face of a broken man. "It's Sandy, Steve! Sandy's gone!" his body shook with emotion as he clung to me. I stood there, holding him, hardly believing my ears.

"..w-when did this happen?... _why?_"

"She spoke to me on Tuesday - you know - when I met up with her to explain what happened to.. to " he bit his lip.

"I know - s'ok."

"She told me she was goin' to Florida - live with her grandmother - her parents won't let me marry her!" he practically squeaked the last bit, then took his arms away and leaned back on the counter, rubbing his eyes with the back of his sleeve. Bitterly, he went on. "She said it wasn't me... how original is that?" he tried to laugh scornfully but ended up hiccoughing and having to blow his nose with some kitchen paper.

Hours went by and he explained everything. We sat on the couch together, my arm slung around his shoulders as we supped hot cocoa that just didn't seem sweet enough. If Dally or Two-Bit had walked in right then, they were guaranteed to make some wise crack about only needing a tub of ice cream between us to complete the setting.

"You told Darry, yet?" I had to ask after a while.

"...Nope.." Soda set down his mug and ran his hands down his soft cheeks to dry them again. "I couldn't worry him anymore. He's too torn up about Ponyboy - it's the last thing he needs."

"Hey - it's the last thing _you_ needed!"

"I know, I know," he flopped his head back down on my chest and smiled bleakly, "Maybe I'll tell him tomorrow."

"You'll feel better for it - no use suffering in silence.. as my momma would say." To my relief, Soda giggled and hit me with a pillow.

"I wish Darry'd come home." My chest stiffened as I heard him say it. I'd never be good enough. Darry would always come first in Sodapop's mind, and maybe it was selfish of me to think otherwise, but it still hurt. We were quiet for what seemed like ages, until Soda lifted his head, his dark brown eyes still glassy as he looked at me.

"I'm glad you're here, Stevie." he grinned and, stupidly, I felt my cheeks getting hotter.

I knew he didn't mean it in the way I would have liked, but I did it anyway. In that moment as he grinned and I stared back, completely lost in his timeless face, I just couldn't let it pass. I _had_ to kiss him. And so I did.

He didn't jump or pull away, but the wide eyed expression on his face after told me everything I needed to know.

"..Steve.."

I looked back at him, biting my bottom lip, trying to decide whether I was glad I'd done it or not.

"..hey..buddy... you know I don't... I mean.. I'm not-"

"I know, Soda." My throat was dry and tight. "I..I just... I dunno.."

"Hey - s'ok." I couldn't have been more thankful as Soda eased and fondly tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. But his smile was struggling. "Sandy.." he whimpered and then I was hugging him again. As he cried I found myself thinking of how lucky I was to have Evie. Yeah, maybe she didn't know that in an ideal world I'd be with Soda instead, but I was content with her, just like Sandy had been content with Soda - just not quiet full-filled enough to marry him, the stupid bitch. She must have been mad and blind to leave him like that, and on the week his kid brother had gone missing!

I jolted as the door banged open and Darry strode in, tired, bedraggled and generally worn by emotion. He froze in the door way as he saw Soda's tear-strewn face. I stood up as Sodapop staggered over to his big brother and flung his arms around him, continuing to cry, though apparently feeling more secure about it now he was back in his brother's firm hold - where he belonged, I guess.

I shook my head as Darry caught my eye, clearly aware that something, other than Pony's disappearance, was up.

Picking up my coat and slinging it over one shoulder I decided it best to leave them to it. I'd go home early and see if I'd become a member of my family again yet. If not, there was always Two-Bit's place.

As I walked out the door I heard the squeak of springs in the couch as Darry sat down, Soda still attached to him like they were born that way. I watched through the window as my buddy howled and Darry rocked him to and fro, comforting him like a child. Maybe Soda _was_ still a child. Maybe his heart was still too young and his mind still too innocent to be going through all of this. Maybe he hadn't understood what I'd been trying to tell him all along. And everything would carry on as normal when I saw him the next day. And he'd just forget and no one would find out what I did. And perhaps I'd move on like I knew I should.

The walk home was a cold one that evening, but I didn't mind. As I strode up the road, I saw the porch light was on. The silhouette of my dad in his chair was visible through our tacky net curtains. All of a sudden, my problems with Soda didn't matter. I had family too, and they were all there, whether I liked it or not. And at that moment in time, I thought about what Soda had lost and I was thankful for what I had, and what I had in him. Even if I make a fool of myself in front of him everyday, I know Sodapop Curtis will be my pal forever. And, for that, I'll always love him.. perhaps a little more than I should.


End file.
